Sunday, September 23, 2007

Working Weekends

So I am a Personnel specialist in the military. I work with servce records and keeping all the members information up to date. Well usally you have quite a few people in the office to help with all the work. Well we are slowly losing people. In about another month we will be down to 5 people. One of which doesn't really know a lot. So he isn't a big help. It is very stressful during the week, then on top of that we have to work 2 weekends out of the month. So... I don't know how we are going to handle this. My supervisor is not a very compasionate person, and doesn't really care if we have to work 8-10 days in row. So it causes a lot of stress. On top of that. I hate working on sundays. Sundays are my day to go to church and be with my family. I hate not being able to be there for Dakota. My biggest dream is to be a stay at home mommy. But then on the other hand I am scared to death to get out of the military. It is such a stable career. I know we will always have a house, food and an income. I don't know what to do. I don't want to put 12 or 15 years into the military and then get out. I just know am I not as happy as I could be. I feel sad and guilty for leaving Dakota at home even though he is with his daddy. In my mind it should be me. It should be me at home taking care of Dakota and the house. That is just the way I feel in my heart. But I don't know. I am torn at what to do.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

First Time

Hi.. I am really new at this.. but I have been needing somewhere I can go and just write. Write about the day, about life, about my dreams and fears. And I think I have found that place. I am not sure any one will even read this but me... but that's okay. You know life really sucks being an adult. We (as a family) are going though a rough time, finically and I was talking to my mom the other day, and I told her.. "you know.. I really don't think I want to be an adult anymore" I have always loved the idea of there being a Never-neverland. Peter Pan had the right idea.. why grow up.. but then I think harder about it. If I had never grown up, I would have never had my son or been married to my husband. Those are the two best things in my life. They keep me going. They are my rock. Life can be hard and stressful, but it's all the small things, all the hugs and kisses I get when I come home from work, it's all the cold night snuggling on the couch, it's all the smiles and laughs that make everything seem worth it.